A Lara Pina, che non si chiama così
Le parole si sono scollate dalle cose. Le cose sono piene di sé stesse, come sempre, ma non c’è chi le dica: le pietre restano pietre, le tazzine tazzine e i martelli picchiano sempre forte, ma dalla strada alla finestra “aprimi la porta!” nessuno più lo grida. È tutto un furtivo cacciare in velocità le chiavi dalla tasca o dalla borsa, trovare quella giusta prima ancora di cercarla e via nell’androne, via per le scale, via via.
L’androne, da parte sua (considerate che già prima erano rimasti in pochi a chiamarlo così), non sa più di essere l’androne; le scale si sono ridotte a rampe, le rampe a gradini, i gradini a una faccenda verticale e una orizzontale, in nessun rapporto l’una con l’altra se non per l’angolo retto che le unisce – o che le separa? Non si sa più – e che resta, come sempre, muto.
La casa, poi. Ecco, per la casa le cose sono difficili al limite dell’acrobazia. Abituata alle parole com’è sempre stata, davvero dalla notte dei tempi, quasi da un momento all’altro è piombata in uno stato d’incertezza che non la fa respirare. E se la casa non respira è chiaro che pure chi vi si trova dentro annaspa: cerca le parole e trova le cose – fin qui tutto bene, il cavatappi mi serviva proprio, meglio così, e anche il bicchiere (almeno credo) – ma quella parola che si diceva quando si beveva, quando valeva la pena di dirla, quando valeva la pena di bere, com’era?
Mmmmh, com’è buono questo vino! È davvero inquieto. No. Spazioso? Nemmeno. Questo vino scalpita, profuma di gatto, è un’iguana per gli occhi. O è veglia, tenaglia, lieve maniglia? Sia quel che sia, imbastisce che è un piacere. Sussurra più di mille spigoli. Assottiglia come non ci fosse un dominio. Intanto bevo – si dice bere? Sicuri? O arrotolo, nuoto, inciampo? – e mi siedo.
Vanno e vengono, i nomi e i sentimenti. Adesso per esempio – ed era ora – capiamo di essere sospesi. Appesi. Indifesi. Sorpresi, ateniesi, borghesi… ecco, è durata poco. Non sappiamo già più niente. No, non è vero: sappiamo tutto ma non lo sappiamo.
In quel momento, che poi è questo, Paolo entra, si guarda intorno, sorride, posa il coniglio (che ne approfitta per saltare via, infilarsi nel cassetto e da lì nel cielo, facendo il pieno di libertà, che è sempre un buon bottino) e si dà il bentornato baciandosi sui polsi, sulle braccia, nell’incavo del gomito – una parte di sé per la quale ultimamente si sorprende a provare sempre più spesso tenerezza e gratitudine, forse anche perché non ha un nome.
Gianna si guarda intorno, si guarda dentro, si guarda indietro. Niente vede. Gianna è cieca da quand’è nata ma oggi ha deciso di dipingere. Lo farà.
Anna accenna un passo di tango e poi un altro, un passo alla volta raggiunge l’oro dell’orizzonte, scavalca le onde, le guarda, le conta una ad una e pensa che siano i passi del mare ma non fa in tempo a ridere che è tempo di abbracciare e non fa in tempo ad abbracciare che è tempo di volare via. Leggera, più leggera, Anna è leggera come il tempo e pesante come tutti i ricordi dimenticati.
Samir si guarda allo specchio. C’è stato un giorno in cui avrebbe voluto sostituire il pieno con il vuoto, la luce con l’ombrello e diventare un altro; poi ha visto tanta di quell’acqua in una volta sola, tanto di quel verde e viola e blu da dare di stomaco, tanta di quella paura da non temere più nulla. Oggi mangerà, anche oggi mangerà, non è poco. Lascia lo specchio, strappa un foglio dal calendario, esce in balcone. È un giovane uomo fortunato, ne ha uno, due contando anche quello più piccolo in cucina che divide, come il resto della casa, con Charlie e Nama Jo. “Fammi vedere se è spuntato l’aglio”, si dice, ed esce dalla storia. Ciao, Samir, e grazie dello specchio, del balcone e dell’aglio.
E chissà che non s’impari qualcosa da questa immane deriva in calma piatta. Possiamo sperarlo? Possiamo: per quel che serve, e senza più nemmeno le parole per dirci che ci siamo riusciti.
Cosa ne pensi?
Scrivo perché so fare mille altre cose ma credo (e quando credo dubito) che continuare a imparare ogni giorno sia un modo per ringraziare la vita, e ringraziare è il più dolce dei diritti. Di carattere sono una ribelle ma confido di riuscire a diventare rivoluzionaria e, ancora di più, di trasmettere tutta la meraviglia di esserlo, non per odio di classe ma per amore e per scelta, che poi sono quasi sempre la stessa cosa. Per lavoro traduco libri, da spagnolo e inglese, e vivo in una città di mare (in cui non sono nata), proprio nel senso che al mare Livorno appartiene. Non ho figlie o figli, sorelle o fratelli di sangue, ma so di essere parte di una famiglia sparsa nel mondo ma molto vicina al cuore. Come vedete sono piena zeppa di ma, e per fortuna: perché è con i ma, e con i se, che nascono le storie. A noi tocca farle crescere, ed è una fatica bestia – senza se e senza ma, per una volta: questa.
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